Ye Grand Tournament, the equivalent of the Olympics for the realm's knights, will soon be taking place in Yonderland. This year's contest, however, hits a major snag when firm favourite Philip of Woolworth is forced to pull out following an incident involving Debbie, terrible flirting and a very sharp sword. It's the moment serial loser Negatus has been waiting for and, taking no chances, he enlists the services of the land's most fearsome fighter, Emmanuel, to bag him the win. No one dare cross the deadly veteran of the 99 Years War and the competition seems all but sewn up, until Debbie persuades Woolworth's faithful page to take on the challenge - so what if the scroll dictates that only nobles may enter, rules are there to be rewritten? The road to victory isn't going to be easy, though, with events including archery, swordplay, brute strength and, the trickiest of them all, kissing (wait until you see the kiss-ee). All this and Debbie has to rush back for her kids' school sports day.